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Realization Number 1: Forgiveness For Myself (#31WriteNow)

This very great thing happens when you are left alone with nothing to do really.

You think.

You think about everything. You think about everything and some more. Then you start thinking (well, remembering really) about things you thought you forgot and these are the most powerful moments of thinking because in there is a decision inside of them.

Earlier this morning, I was doing Day 9 of the 21-Day Meditation Challenge with the Chopra Center. The focus on this challenge is Miraculous Relationships and it’s been pretty great so far. The centering thought was “My loving truth shines for all to see” and I tell you that today was a particularly intense meditation.

Intense and light…if that makes sense.

At one point, it felt like I’d stopped breathing but was breathing all at the same time and I’ve never felt that before. But it was also in this point that I was hit with the thought, “Who do you need to forgive, Courtney?” See…and that’s the way my rude brain works (LOL). Here I am breathing deeply in and breathing deeply out after centering myself and emptying my thoughts and here my brain wants to be pushy-pushy with the “Who do you need to forgive, Courtney?” I finished my meditation after pushing that thought away and decided I wanted to listen to Tamar Braxton’s song, “The One” and as I am absolutely enjoying my lip-syncing moment, my brain again says, “Who do you need to forgive, Courtney? Did you ever forgive that man who hurt you?”

Uh….no.

Okay, okay, okay. So after one dramatic eye-roll, I decide to make myself up a forgiveness list. I got the idea to write on the top of paper “My Forgiveness List” and then skipped two lines and wrote the Universal Law of Karma, which says:

“Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind. Choosing actions that bring happiness and success to others ensures the flow of happiness and success to you.”

Now, I would love to mention here that I don’t know at all where the idea to write the Law of Karma came from…but I’ve been told that one of my Spirit Angels is Athena (with the other two being Sulis and Isis) and from what I know of her/them, they are NOTHING to play with. So I’ve just gotten into the habit of following my intuition and the little nudges I get from my Spirit. After that, I decided to find an affirmation on forgiveness that I’d say aloud and write at the end of each Forgiveness Note before putting away in a box (or burning — I haven’t decided what I’m going to do yet). As I’m looking for the affirmation that speaks to me, I am suddenly hit with the thought, “Find one that talks about self forgiveness. That’s why you’re doing this.”

My reaction, “Oh really?”

Now I said that OUT LOUD…and if you know nothing about Athena, Sulis, and Isis….well, know that one is like gangsta gangsta “Girl….you know what you need to be doing so STOP asking questions. Sheesh, I’m right here” and the other two are like, “We don’t take mess and we raise people from the dead and we ain’t nothing to eff with” (cue Kendrick Lamar’s “Ronald Reagan Era” because that’s the ONLY song that fits these three). After saying OUT LOUD, “Oh really?” this nudge from my spirit was like, “Girl! Don’t play with us!”

So I said, “Okay.”

But then I realized the significance of forgiveness. Like, I’ve moved from understanding to KNOWING. Forgiveness is never about the person you are forgiving and it’s all about you. It became easier to write my forgiveness list the moment I wrote down my forgiveness affirmation:

As I forgive myself, it becomes easier to forgive others.

Just getting people on the list makes me feel lighter and I am really starting to feel that centering thought is authentic to my being and personality:

My loving truth shines for all to see.

If you’d like to join the 21-Day Meditation Challenge, visit Chopra Meditation Center.

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