A Glimpse Into My Life

See it through my eyes & understand me a little more

Tag Archives: Challenges

Forced to Recalibrate

Calibrate: To make corrections in; adjust. (source)

If I were asked to describe this phase of my life on yesterday, I would have honestly said that I had no idea why I was here and facing the same difficulties again. In full transparency, those difficulties include: (1) being definitively homeless and (2) being definitively ignorant (showing a lack of education or knowledge) in correctly applying lessons to my life.

Basically, I would describe it as “same shit, different day.”

Last night though, something happened. That something was a bit of clarity. While sitting in silence, two thoughts came to me (one of which I’m sharing here). The major thought is that I’m in a season of recalibration. That’s right, this is a time to course correct and had I paid attention to the lessons and applied them to all aspects of my life, I wouldn’t face the difficulties I’m in now.

Honestly, I’ve been scared. I know that it means to cut people off or deal with them differently and I’m not ready for that. I really don’t think anyone is ever ready for that task but it’s necessary. I’m not sure what life will look like in the next few weeks or even tomorrow, but I know that once every thing is adjusted accordingly, I’ll move forward with such ease. And that’s what keeps me going.

 

Your Problems Reveal Your Priorities

On yesterday, my church celebrated it’s annual Women’s Day and it was amazing. Our guest speaker was a First Lady from another church (her name slips me at the moment but I’ll share it later) and she shared an amazing message. The title of the lesson she brought was “Why me?” and I decided to pay extra attention as that is a question I have found myself asking a LOT! The great thing is that i was not disappointed in what I received from her message.

During the time she spoke, she shared this thought with us: “The trials (in our lives) reveal our trust (in God)*.”  Now when I heard her say that, a thought quickly flashed in my mind:

“The problems we create in our lives reveal our priorities.”

What was interesting about that revelation is that it can be both a good thing and a bad thing. What do I mean by that? I’m only saying that if you take a moment to examine everything going on in your life with complete honesty, you’ll realize that (almost) everything around you and most of the experiences you have are a result of your choice to focus your behaviors and actions on certain things.

To break it down even further, think of a test. You study and you understand the material so well that you are confident going into your exam. When you receive you test and see an “A,” you realize that you efforts paid off. Your priority was doing well on the test so you focused your behaviors and actions on studying and understanding the material. The result? An exceptional grade.

I used that example because people will sometimes hear the word problem and think the worst possible scenario. I want people to know that a lack of major problems is also indicative of where you chose to focus your priorities.

Say you look around and you are living your dream life! You went to school and earned an education in something you’re interested in. You are paid generously for your expertise and you give back to the community in service. Your circumstances simply reveal that you prioritized yourself and your dreams. You see spectacular results because your actions were in alignment with your vision to manifest it. Congratulations.

Likewise, let’s look at the opposite (I’ll take a moment here to admit that this is why the thought was so profound — I’m currently in this category). You have had many opportunities to do what you dreamed of or you are amazingly talented, yet you aren’t where you wish to be. Perhaps you focused on helping others and put yourself on the back-burner. Maybe you spent time in a place or situation with the intention to improve others because you started to feel differently about life. But all around you, your life is in shambles. You are doing everything right and yet, you still ask, “Why me?”

Do you understand it’s because you focused on tasks and actions that were not in alignment with your purpose or priorities?

Don’t worry though. There’s always good news when I share something like this. You can Course Correct. Be warned, the necessary actions may be difficult but once you become aware of YOUR purpose, you can prioritize tasks and actions to support this.

How do you start? Well, you figure out what makes you happy. Begin to understand what drives you to serve others and course correct.

It may take a while to work through your mess, but once you do, you’ll find that your problems reveal your priorities in the best way possible.

*Word in parenthesis are my own and are added for context.

Hard Truths & Difficult Questions (#31WriteNow)

I’m writing this because I’m going to bed…and I’m hoping that by getting this out, I’ll sleep better.

  1. Most days, I’m barely happy. I can squeeze out some optimism but it is short-lived.
  2. I’m stressed out — ALL OF THE TIME. My Mom (I live with her) is a disabled veteran whose recent health challenges have left me extremely worried. Extremely (and I’m not sure anyone gets it)!
  3. There are things that I want to do in my life, that I’ve always dreamed of. There are days that the obstacles in front of me look do formidable, I’m not sure that I will.
  4. I have only recently given thought to really building the type of life I wanted for myself. I didn’t think I would leave to see 27. I’ll do a recap on that amazing weekend.
  5. I want it all. I don’t even know what “it all” is. I just know I want it and I’m confused on how to get it all.
  6. My newest health challenge? My hair is falling out.
  7. I need a financial blessing in a MAJOR way because…
  8. I quit my job and I don’t have another full-time position. Mattafack…
  9. I have $5 in my account, owe on multiple loans, found out two utilities are facing disconnection and I have to pay on my health insurance or I’ll lose coverage.
  10. When it rains, it pours.
  11. How could I have been so dumb to leave without a backup plan? But I honestly hated who I was and the work I had to do at my old job. I don’t think I could have made it to the end of August. At all.
  12. I want the job I applied for. I REALLY want the job I applied for.
  13. How do you find out your purpose?
  14. I tell myself every night that “Tomorrow will be better.”

So I’m hoping that it is.

UPDATE: I wrote this post initially at 11:09 on August 11, 2013 because I was having trouble sleeping. This morning, this was in my email:

Screen shot 2013-08-12 at 4.26.31 PM

 

Now, I know that this is an email that goes out to LOTS of folks…BUT this was exactly what I needed after questioning myself.

If you’d like to sign up for motivational messages that are delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday, visit: Notes From the Universe.

“Girl….that was a GOOD job!!!!” (#31WriteNow)

If you follow me on Twitter (@hersoulweeps), then you know that I’ve been excitedly talking about something for the past four weeks. After almost two years of working in the same place, I left my job.

That’s right! I resigned.

Now most people support this decision until they ask the fateful question, “What are you doing next?”

My answer – I’m applying to PhD programs that will start in Fall 2014. There is ALWAYS the awkward pause (lol) once it hits people that I left a job with no other job lined up. And then…they say, “Girl….that was a GOOD job!!! You are crazy for leaving!”

Yes. On both points. It was a GOOD job. And I am crazy for leaving.

But I would have been crazy for staying. I realized a LONG time ago that I no longer served that job to the best of my ability. Because of a lot of the challenging experiences and situations there, I felt defeated. I was starting to wonder if I made the best decisions for myself because I was unhappy. I was in the field that I wanted to be in (education, non-teaching) but I wasn’t doing what I KNEW was my passion. After much deliberation and a sudden dose of courage (or crazy), I made the decision on July 13th to submit my letter of resignation on July 15th. It was a VERY difficult choice to leave because that job came into my life EXACTLY when I needed it.

You see, I’ve battled depression (deep depression) for years. It became very real to me my Sophomore year in college and I’m thankful that my then RHD encouraged me to go to my University’s counseling center because I didn’t understand what was happening at all. I was smart, had friends, people seemed to enjoy my company and I was making my family proud. But there was something I just couldn’t shake. A cloud was always there…and it was suffocating. I persevered though and graduated in 2009 then went on for my Masters. When I graduated with my Masters in Urban Education Policy in 2010, I wasn’t exactly in the best place. I left Providence with no job and I moved back in with my Mom. It got to a point that after applying to more than 90 jobs in my field and 120 other service industry jobs, I was still without gainful employment.

In December of 2010, I made the decision to check myself into a behavioral health unit to keep from losing my mind. While there, I met some amazing spirits that had been rejected by those they trusted and they were the FIRST group to affirm that I was “someone special” and to keep faith. One woman even told me that if I kept a flicker of something, it would grow into a flame. I was grateful for that. After that, I bounced around jobs a bit (Associate at Victoria’s Secret AND Forever 21; Temporary Employee with TWO temp agencies; and Budget Mobile Customer Representative). In October of 2011, I got the news at my job (Budget Mobile) that they weren’t sure if the store was going to need the same capacity and because I was a more recent hire, I’d be on the chopping block. My Manager then encouraged that I look for a job right then.

I saw the listing for my job and applied. Within a week, I was offered the position and I accepted it. My first day was November 7, 2011.

If people understood all of that, then maybe they wouldn’t think I was crazy for leaving. You don’t make a decision to leave a good job after all of that has happened. But this morning, I truly realized that job was a miracle right when I needed it. While it was definitely a challenge on most days, many miracles took place. I met amazing people that I am forever connected to. I found my voice and the courage to speak up so I wouldn’t get lost in the shuffle. I built a reputation as someone who does amazing work. I realized my brilliance and my abilities were affirmed. Most importantly, because I was blessed with this position at the lowest point of my life, I learned that I am able to take care of myself.

I should always take care of myself.

That’s why I left. When you realize that your purpose no longer fits the position you are in, you start to question everything about yourself. You wonder, “Did I make another wrong decision?” and “Maybe I’ll never amount to anything more than a pitiful existence.”

And that should ALWAYS be the cue to leave. The decision to leave wasn’t easy. But it was necessary. It was time to go as I’d outgrown what was being asked of me and I knew I wasn’t fulfilling my purpose while there. You are no longer serving that space and it’s no longer serving you. Open your hand to let that go so that something greater can be placed there. Release it so that it can be a miracle for someone else.

So yes, I left my GOOD job…but I’m only waiting for my GREAT job. And I released that job on my own terms — with much gratitude and on a positive note. Besides…you should always want to go out on top. 😉