Living Life Purposefully

Where Purpose Meets Passion

Monthly Archives: March 2017

The Journey to Self-Healing

When you embark upon a path of self-healing, you can become transfixed on it having to look a certain way based on the teachers you initially meet. What makes self-healing a difficult experience is that we often find ourselves at a fork in the road. 

The decision before us becomes: “Do I continue to follow this teacher? Or do I strike out in search of another teacher?”

Having been in some form of counseling since I was 9 years old, I’ve come to this place many times. To put it more bluntly, at 30 years old, I realize I’m at the point in my journey where more is required of me. 

The thought came to me in the quiet stillness of the morning – “Teachers can only teach you what they know. They can only teach you what they’ve experienced. They can only teach you what they are ready to be honest about.”

It felt jarring. It felt harsh. The statement felt like an indication of where I fell short. Often? The most important lessons come wrapped in a demeanor of frustration and a tone of exasperation. 

To that, I hear you God.

As a Black Woman, that’s what makes self-healing scary. I don’t have the luxury of no longer acknowledging vague needs and must now explicitly state what it is that opens these personal wounds. And it’s a lot to burden yourself with when you seek answers from those who offered their help, yet remain committed to not touching the same kind of hurt within themselves. 

All heartbreak is not the same. All betrayal is not the same. All disappointment is not the same. ‬It’s why I’ve realized  you can’t look for specific wisdom in a person that’s never experienced the same type of wound. ‬

Knowing this, it’s important to remind ourselves our task remains the same – heal yourself fully and help others do the same. ‬So get to it. 

With love,

Ms. C. Jayné

Isolation & Growth

Here’s a thought: “Isolation is necessary for growth.”

Isolate. Verb. Cause a person or a place to be or remain alone or apart from others. 

Isolation is a feeling that none of us like. It’s the part of growth where we start to question, “What is all of this shit for?” It makes being in the emotional tunnel that requires living more intentionally or with a higher code of values almost unbearable. 

Almost. I said almost.

The thing about isolation is that we notice it the most when we feel like we’re in a dark place. I use dark here because I’m reminded of the church hymn, “This little light of mine.” As the case with any light that shines in darkness, it is a beacon for those who are finding their way to look to. The assumption that a lot of us make is letting our light shines means we know what our light is shining for. Often, we do not and we are not comfortable with the not knowing. At least, I know I’m not. 

There’s good news though. Isolation doesn’t mean that all is lost and we shouldn’t feel that it does.

When you ARE being isolated? It’s imperative that you understand it’s like your Spirit is trying on a new size of clothing. You aren’t necessarily alone BUT it is necessary for you to be separated from people, places, or things that could hinder your growth. 

Said another way, when you ARE being isolated, your Spirit is adjusting itself to the new amount of space it needs for you to live more fully in your purpose. It’s why civilizations have always separated neophytes and initiates from the rest of the tribe during coming of age and initiation rites. It’s why newlyweds separate from what they’ve known as their family in the “get to know you differently” phase with their new spouse. It’s why new hires go through training and are slowly introduced to new coworkers. 

In each instance, you’re shedding an old way of being and know. Isolation, or separation, is what allows you to come into a new understanding of who you are and how you must perform in your new role. Isolation is imperative for the person you strive to become. 

And when you’re waving around blindly in darkness trying to reach for anything or anyone to let you know you aren’t alone? Don’t worry. Once you’ve become accustomed to the way your new Spirit fits, the people, places, and things which support who you have become more fully will show up.

Isolation isn’t ever really fun but it is necessary for growth.

Ms. C. Jayné