A Glimpse Into My Life

See it through my eyes & understand me a little more

On the Topic of Validation

Yesterday, I realized I don’t like the word validate. Usually, when I’ve come into contact with it, it’s in the form of another person asking why I need outside people to “validate” my thoughts.

What’s more trying about having a conversation on “validation” is that it’s usually a person who wants to seem really self-assured or they are pushing their level of consciousness on you. It’s almost as though you become less “evolved” or less “aware” by recognizing something that they consider validation.

One: that annoys me. Two: that’s not what I’m usually speaking about.

But what started this? I mentioned on Twitter that a lot of what we think about ourselves isn’t considered true until someone else confirms or agrees with it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I should have explained it this way:

In this existence that we live, social interactions dictate two things – how we think of others and how others think of us. It’s not validation in the sense of “I can’t ever say this about myself until someone else says it about me first.” It’s validation in the sense of “I still think this theory/thought/assessment is right but now someone else thinks so too.”

I guess this is the Scientist-in-a-Past-Life inside of me. I don’t think of validation as some ill that we should shy away from in our personal growth. I think of validation in the sense of a science experiment. Your life experience will dictate more than a few hypotheses (educated guesses about anything) and you receive validation about the extent of your educated guess from others. Here’s an example:

You think of your self as being a kind person (this is your hypothesis). You meet person A who confirms (validates) this for you by expressing they believe you are a kind person. Your self-worth isn’t hinged on their assessment – your educated guess was just validated. Then you meet person B who also says you are a kind person BUT offers you another perspective of yourself (or a way to be more kind) through your interactions. Meeting person B doesn’t mean you are not kind, it just means you have work to do and you can be more kind.

And that’s what I think of when I call to mind validation.

The way I see it, there is nothing wrong with validation. It’s a tool for self-assessment and growth. Honestly, if validation were as big of an issue as others make it, then we wouldn’t even have the entire consciousness movement – which is a constant stream of validation (if you ask me). I think we should move the conversation from “Why do you seek others’ validation?” to “What are we doing with the information that the Universe validates for us?”

If that makes sense.

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