November 27, 2013
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In my core, I am a writer. I have never said that out loud, I’ve only penned it in my journal. It’s why I like blogging – I get the opportunity to share my thoughts and make an impression upon an anonymous spirit sitting in front of a screen.
I feel that nagging feeling that I’ve gone about my day and even though it’s good, I don’t feel complete until I jot some notes down.
When I write, I’m not just putting pen to paper – I am putting myself on paper. Every line is a personal thought. Every paragraph is an e tension of myself that I hope is received favorably. I leave traces if my DNA, my life source, in everything that I pen. It’s me. It’s all me.
So yes I’m a writer.
Now that I’ve gotten this out, I’m now trying to figure out how to become more of who I dreamed I’d be so that I can be happier with the face I see every morning.
November 7, 2013
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Alternate title: “It Could Be a LOT Worse, My Dude.”
Last night, I was spacing out in front of the tv watching one of my favorite shows on HGTV (Income Property). I love this show for the information it shares on income properties and being a landlord. I just wanted to share that so y’all didn’t think I was just…not doing anything.
Since I’m unemployed still.
Anywho…I’m watching this channel when one of my favorite commercials comes on – the one with the m&ms at the party.
“Watch out for the chocolate crazed maniac. She will devour you!”
Seriously, some good comedy there. Much better than SNL (don’t argue with me here because I’m right). But I got to thinking, “Geez! That red m&m has been Friend Zoned so hard and you don’t see him complain.”
I laughed and then said I was on to something.
Now this post is called why men shouldn’t complain but it is for EVERYONE! I just did that because I wanted more hits to my blog (thanks Google). It sucks being friend zoned. I know this from personal experience. I can’t really think of something that sucks more. Oh wait? Yes I can – homelessness, a credit score in the 500s, unemployment, chronic illnesses, etc.
I digress because you get the point.
But really I just want people to stop lamenting about being stuck in a Friend Zone. Because you could one day finding yourself smelling like a chocolate anything and being stuck in a small space with a chocolate loving maniac.
And I’m sure that won’t end well for at least one of you.
November 5, 2013
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For some odd reason, all of my greatest thoughts start to surface when I’m trying to rest. By rest, I mean go to sleep.
Without fail, I find myself winding down by 10pm yet I’m jotting notes until 3am because my brain is always like “one more thing Court!” And who am I to say no to what could mean an early retirement? So I jot down my thoughts and things I need to follow up on.
But something interesting happened one night as I tried to get comfortable in bed. My Spirit whispered, “You know…you only have to set a goal because you like the goal.” I was confused and annoyed. I was confused because I didn’t understand where this came from. I was annoyed because I KNEW I was not going to sleep until it was figured out. Thank you Brain.
Thanks a lot.
Now, I actually said “Thanks a lot,” and I did so with as much sarcasm as 3:01am would allow. Would you know that my Brain said, “No problem and you’re welcome”?
Then it hit me – it being my problem with goal setting. You see? I’m great at goal setting and I’m super good at planning the necessary steps to reach the goal. Actually getting to the goal? That’s a bit problematic.
I have the tendency to set awesome and amazing and sometimes vain goals for myself. But more than that though, I have the tendency to come up with acceptable reasons for setting the goals. It’s my coping mechanism for thinking people will be unnerved at my daring to dream. I realize now that the reason I end up not caring about the goal is that I don’t connect emotionally with the reason. This is a vicious cycle to find yourself in, especially if you are like me and fluctuate between “I’m okay” self-esteem and “Ummm, what was I thinking” self-esteem. The goal-justification cycle is one of the most abusive behaviors I engage in with myself.
As of the writing of this post (3:07am), that all stops. I will no longer set goals that make me happy and think of reasons to justify my goals to other people. I’m releasing myself from the burden of expectations and the attachment of others’ reactions to my accomplishments.
Why? Because my Brain told me I only have to set a goal because I like it.