Today, I attended a church service as a visitor at the New Dimension Christian Fellowship Ministries (a non-denominational but very spirited and lively church here in New Orleans). My Cousin, who is now a Minister, was speaking and sharing her first message. Before I get into what the message sparked in me, I would like to share that all of the newly ordained ministers that I heard from today did an awesome job. So awesome in fact that I didn’t mind or notice I was in church for over three hours until someone else pointed it out. Now on to what I learned about myself and the message I want to share with you all.
The passages that all of the ministers spoke from was Numbers 13:25-33. The verse that really stuck with me today is Numbers 13:33:
“We saw the Nephilim there (the descendants of Anak come from Nephilim). We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes and we looked the same to them.”
Now before going on, I’ll give a bit of context if you’re unfamiliar with what’s happening in the Bible at this point. The Israelites have been wandering in the desert now for forty years. At this point, Moses is instructed by God to send men to canvass and search out the land of Canaan, which has already been promised to them as their rightful land. From each of the twelve tribes, a leader (a male) is selected for this particular duty of canvassing the land. At the point of this particular passage, the twelve men have returned to give their report to Moses after spending forty days surveying the land. Their instructions were to bring back a report of the lands viability (whether it is good or bad) and fruit as evidence of such. All of the leaders sent out for this mission return with the report that the land is good BUT ten of the men also focus on the inhabitants of the land: the giants who are descended from Anak. In their eyes, there is no way that the land will become theirs because there is no way that they could defeat these particular men (who tower over them).
Now that I’ve gotten you caught up, I’ll bring to you the point that stood out for me.
Right now, I’m in a period of serious transition. Change isn’t something that I’ve ever dealt with in the most positive manner. Usually, when an abrupt change takes place in my life, I would begin to wonder, “What did I do wrong to deserve this?” At the last major change in my life, which took place on December 19th, 2012, I began to wonder that very same thing. You see, before I began regularly working with my Life Coach Stephanie Alva of My Life Keys (and other therapists), I viewed changes as things that you don’t want to happen because they are the result of you having been disobedient or because you are undeserving of the good that was your life before the change. In a little over a year, I’m beginning to understand that changes are a natural part of life and really don’t have a reflection on my worth as a person.
Changes are simply a transition or a movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another. Nothing more and nothing less. As my Life Coach pointed out, change occurs naturally and I have to be okay with that. I’m learning to be okay with that.
However, the reason I point out this particular scripture is because it became quite clear to me why I resist change with so much of my being — I viewed myself as insignificant and felt that others around me did as well. As the Israelites put it, “We seemed like grasshoppers in our eyes and we looked the same to them.” When this particular scripture was read aloud, my Spirit whispered to me, “What eyes have you seen yourself with?”
And it felt like time stopped.
In that moment, I realized that the way that I saw myself, and subsequently thought others saw me, was not the way that my Source (or God, if you will) sees me. No. There is a promise over my life and even though I’m not exactly sure what it is, my ONLY job is to live a life that is affirming for myself and to others and to continue to grow into the Woman that I’ve been called to be. My job is to break damaging family cycles for the eyes that show me I deserve those cycles aren’t my own at all. My job is to be courageous in living in my truth and not straying away from living in my light because it offends others. My job is to be happy. My job is to find joy. My job is to be and show love. My job is to uplift.
My job is to see myself through my Spiritual eyes and not through earthly/humanly eyes. Earthly eyes are clouded by fear, judgement, disbelief and doubt. Earthly eyes are persuaded by hearts that are unsure because the next step seems to take you down too dark of a road. Earthly eyes are influenced by the doubting or “common sense” questions that others ask of you and your purpose. There is no way to live completely in your purpose while judging yourself through your earthly eyes.
Our job is to begin to look at ourselves through our Spiritual eyes.
Once we do that, we’ll see that it doesn’t matter whether we view ourselves as Giants in our own right. Or as Grasshoppers. The message from this passage is that what is for you IS for you. What you’ve been promised, you will receive. Your job is to reach your destiny but your vision and sight determines how quickly and the road you will eventually take. Which leads me to the only question that I have to ask of you (which seems appropriate going into a new year):
Will you look at yourself with New Eyes?