A Glimpse Into My Life

See it through my eyes & understand me a little more

It All Comes Crashing Down…

…in the end.

I’m tired of being strong. Here’s something I wrote last night. Maybe it makes sense, maybe it doesn’t. But yeah, this is where I am.

“Tonight, I am not happy. I just really want to go home. I want to hug my brothers. I want to hug my mother. I want to hug my father. I want to hug my sister. I want to look at the people that I KNOW love me. I want to hug the people that I know love me.

I’m sick of being here. I mean, I like the people that are here, but at the end of the day, they get to go home. They get to hug the people that they care about.

This past week, I lost my Aunt. I had to tell my brothers the news because they don’t really talk to my Dad. I come home to an empty place. There’s nothing in my room but a bed, a microwave, a “stove”, and a mini fridge. Let me not forget that I have a bathroom. But there are no pictures of my loved ones and nothing that reminds me of home. Nothing.

In my room, there is just me. And when you are alone and lonely in a place that is unfamiliar to you, it’s really hard to be happy. I just want to go home. I want to see the people that I know. I want to smell their scents. I want to hear their laughter. I want to touch them. I want to reach out and hug them and know that I’ll be hugged in return.

I want my family. Not whole. Maybe in pieces. I’ll take them in pieces. I just want to know that everything that I am doing is not in vain. I want to understand the purpose and right now I  don’t.

I’m lonely.

I’m isolated.

There is no one like me and of me. No one like me and of my parents. No person who understands when I just want to be left alone. No one who understands when I really need a hug but I’m too afraid to ask for it.

No.

I want home. I want the things that I know.”

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One response to “It All Comes Crashing Down…

  1. Jaye the Dreamer August 6, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    There isn’t much I can say. I wish I could give you a hug though. My dad doesn’t live with me, he lives in another city…so I know what it’s like to want to be near someone who you love & who loves you back, but not being readily able to do so.

    Hang in there & when you do get home to see your family, steal some pictures of them to take back with you lol.

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